by Betty-Ann Heggie on February 21, 2012
Women with mentors do better but women with five mentors do better yet! Find five mentors that you deeply admire and wouldn’t want to let down. Consider them your personal board of directors and enjoy the benefits of that extra guidance, feedback and support.
The strategy of putting in place a personal board of directors is advocated by a long list of successful leaders and some of their thoughts are as follows.
Kathy Korman Frey, entrepreneur in residence at George Washington University School of Business and founder of the HotMommas project, conducted a study that shows women with five mentors will “shoot higher and think bigger.”
Reinforcing this, she says, is the fact that some of the world’s most elite entrepreneur organizations are anchored in peer mentor groups containing five or more mentors. Thus, Korman Frey advises all women to find five mentors calling it a “must, must, must.”
Business guru, Jim Collins, considers a board of directors to be like a group of tribal elders who embody the core values and standards that you aspire to live up to. He recommends turning to them in times of ethical dilemma, life transitions and difficult choices.
Susan Colantuono, CEO and Founder of “Leading Women,” says that she and her board all share a mutual commitment to one another’s success. She aims for trusted associates with complementary skills, saying that they aren’t necessarily close friends. Her board provides significant reality checks, insights and connections.
A Fast Company article gave the following advice as to who to invite into your board of directors: consider having one or two free agents along with a clarifier who asks clear questions, a connector who leads you to other people, a challenger who helps you act boldly, and a wise elder or sage.
The objective is to draw upon the wisdom of people with diverse perspectives who think differently than you do. Each mentor or member of your board will provide you with added impetus, important counsel and valuable networks. Can you see the multiplier affect?
by Betty-Ann Heggie on February 14, 2012
There are certain successes in love and in life that can only grow from failure. Heidi Halvorson, psychologist and author of “Succeed: How we can Reach our Goals,” says that is because far more success comes from learning from your mistakes than from natural ability.
Today is Valentine’s Day so let’s consider Halvorson’s business advice in terms of your love life. First, when your relationship doesn’t go as you had hoped, it is important to evaluate what went wrong. And you can’t do that if you are busy beating yourself up and saying, “I’m a failure in love, I’m just not lovable.”
You have to get yourself out of negative thinking to really assess why things went south. For example, instead of thinking that it is “YOU” and that you lack the ability to maintain a relationship, consider that maybe it is what you did. It is not an excuse to say, “that’s just how I am.”
Your actions, which can be changed, are more likely to be the source of the failure, as opposed to some innate character defect. Consider if you spent too much time at work and not enough time bonding with the object of your desire? And were you truly present when you were together?
Then consider your commitment to making your relationship last. There is no better tool than the old adage, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
The importance of trying is demonstrated by a study of Scripps National Spelling Bee competitors. Those with the most grit worked the hardest and advanced the furthest. They tried with intensity!
Today, too many people say that if the relationship is meant to work, it will. When it gets difficult, they walk away. With a little bit of grit it could succeed.
And finally, maybe the relationship failed to steer you to a new course? Maybe you are attracted to the tall, athletic-type but hate doing sports yourself.
The most important thing is not to give up on love. Halvorson says that it is imperative to replace your old dream with a new one and I couldn’t agree more.
A relationship that comes from evaluating actions, gritty determination and proper focus is full of gratitude and reward. That is available for all of us. Are you ready to learn from your love mistakes to find the relationship of your dreams?
by Betty-Ann Heggie on February 7, 2012
Most small children play a game where one crawls to a higher point than the rest of the group and shrieks with glee, “I’m the king of the castle.” Then a playmate climbs higher still and claims the king position.
I have also observed this behavior in a friend’s Jack Russell terrier, a breed which is known for its alpha male tendencies. Regardless of gender, these dogs want to sit at the highest point in the room and nothing less than being “king of the castle” will do.
It’s not just dogs and children who play this game. Many of our world business leaders vie for “king of the castle” status as well as they out-build one another to have the world’s tallest building.
This syndrome comes from one of the two primary human energy patterns. When we see the world in terms of being “over or under” others, we are acting from our masculine energy and we all have it to varying degrees.
With an overabundance of masculine energy, people are driven to climb the hierarchy (or build the tallest building), in an attempt to control the world. And, any system which is out of balance will topple in a natural correction.
In the 1930′s, the world’s tallest building bragging rights went to the Empire State Building in the midst of the New York financial crisis. Then, in 2010, the Burj Khalifa claimed the tallest in the world status and, once again, it was in the middle of a market correction in Dubai.
Today, the skyscraper building boom is occurring in China and India. According to the investment bank, Barclays Capital, which maintains a skyscraper index, that aggressive building could be a negative leading indicator. The index finds an unhealthy correlation between the construction of the world’s tallest building and a stock market crash.
Our world is a reflection of ourselves and it’s time for us to quit trying to excessively outdo one another. If each of us said, “come join me at my level,” instead of climbing higher to try to be the “king of the castle,” we’d reduce the collective production of masculine energy. Maybe then we could avoid another financial crisis. Don’t you agree that would be a game worth playing?
by Betty-Ann Heggie on January 31, 2012
If confidence could be bottled, it would bubble like champagne and its label would read “Womentorship.” I know this from watching women bubble with confidence after entering a mentorship relationship.
Women who are part of the party have lots to celebrate and all are welcome to join in. They can be either a protege or a mentor and are often both. Sometimes their roles change back and forth as one shares her knowledge on the workplace while the other passes on her wisdom about managing the home front. I’ve also watched peers successfully mentor one another through sticky office politics.
All it takes for the bubbles to flow is a phone call or an email with the objective of making a Womentorship connection. There is something about making that mutual toast that seals a commitment. And, just like champagne is a lovely aperitif, mentorship is also a signal of great things to come.
For example, if you want to kickstart your career, get a mentor. Not only will you get important advice such as how to ask for special assignments or a raise, but the very fact that you reached out and found help demonstrates that you are a self-starter. And, that in itself, is a confidence booster.
The relationship has bubbles of confidence for mentors as well. You never realize how much you know until you share it with someone and that is very validating. It is also gratifying to advise a protege on how speak up at a meeting or handle a difficult co-worker and witness her success. You no longer take your experience for granted when you see the power of its impact in someone else’s life.
Womentorship is the experience of seeing things in a new light. When we recognize that there are possibilities and options, we can get “unstuck.” I call that paradigm shift a “Catalytic Moment” and it is always accompanied with increased confidence about the future.
Whether you are the protege or the mentor, the experience is exhilarating and it can be yours by popping the cork on the Womentorship party. How can you refuse that invitation?
